Well Hung
Deceased
Inner soul released
Look at me
Hanging
From a poet tree
Wither
Without love I wither
Like the flowers I shall not give her
A love letter I won't deliver
I am not in love
Wither
Stiff Upper Lip
Spread your smiles
Let them travel miles
From person to person
Let no mood worsen
Unless they're in a hearse 'n'
Dead
Enough said
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front O' Me
I woke this morning with a pain in the head
And some memories I can't seem to find
I was scheduled for brain transplantation
But I think someone just changed my mind
Bright Idea (20w at best)
Sat here in the dark
Feel it coming on
Having an idea
Because the lightbulbs gone
Artsy Fartsy
A fan of the arts, though I've never seen the ballet
More at home painting in my small beach chalet
Rainbow of colours adorn my pallette
But you only saw red when I hit you with that mallet
All Mapped Out
I have a map to happiness
Tucked away
In the back pocket of my mind
When I need to find my way
I whip it out
Only to see I am stuck in a crease
Short Sharp Frock
Her legs were gorgeous
But now they are a mess
I should never have bought her
That razor-wire dress
A Short Poem About The Futility Of Paying Attention To A Lady
You say
Is that a new dress
They say
Yes
Why, what's the matter with it
Holy Cow
What are the chances
That religion enhances
Poetic timing
And increases fun
And rhyming?
Nun
Blind
They say love is blind
Maybe that's why it can't find
Me
But the way I see it
It should be easy
I don't move around too much really
And I'll stick my leg out if it helps
Dear John
I read John Hegley
Quite regley
And while sometimes I may write
In a somewhat similar style
You may call it copying
And then I wouldn't smile
I'd become a stroppy thing
And compose such an angry letter
Because he's much better
I suppose by at least half a mile
Ali
Muhammad Ali came round uninvited
Just last Sunday, Half past three
I was doing a roast and always the host
Asked if he'd like to stay for tea
Not a fan of legends just turning up
Sort of thing that drives me crazy
But to be fair, I'm glad he was there
He did a great job of stirring the gravy
Egbert
A lonely egg fries
Without shell, within a pan
Stood up by bacon
A Hole
If you don't know your ass
From a hole in the ground
You are not the sort of person
One should be around
Especially when caving
Fat Controller
The chance was remote
She would find me attractive
But I pressed her red button
And we got interactive
Come On In The Water's Lovely
Swim, swim, fast as you can
It's a matter of life
Be first to the egg
Swim, swim, sent by a man
Death to the lazy ones
Stuck to your leg
Bright Side
Appearing periodically
The shining sun may be
But every cumilonimbus
Has a lining of Ag
Tikli Chin
It can be called a tilak in Hindi
Though it's far better known as a bindi
You've got to watch out when it's windy
It might blow on to somebody's chindy
Sweet Life
Life is sweet
You are what you eat
Swallow my pride
Though I taste defeat
I bit the bullet
Lips were licked
Then chewed it over
And the bones were picked
Put It Down (You Don't Know Where It's Been)
Found a puppy in the street
Small and cuddly, soft and sweet
We drove him across town
Where the nice man put him down
Puppy Repercussions
So, I killed a puppy in a poem
He wasn't real, you didn't know him
But as you were so unpleasant
You can forget your Christmas present
I was making you a hat and mittens
Out of freshly skinned kittens
Sunglasses
Whilst hanging out the clothes
I found my dark sunglasses
It seems they've been through the wash
Not on purpose they're not posh
They don't look any whiter
Maybe I'll see the future brighter
